ASK HER OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS

by Marvin Perry

Exciting as a first date can be, you can't help but feel anxious about that impending event. Your anxiety is not without good reason. Because spending a special night with a potential lover should not be taken lightly. And everything should be in order before that special night happens. How you play your cards will determine whether a date is worth another try.

Now that you have passed the 'asking for a date' phase, the next thing that you have to be keen on is the first date. For blind dates, this could be extra hard because daters don't have much of an idea about their would-be dates. For most people, however, they already know in advance the appearance, the qualities and traits of the person they would be dating. This is probably the reason they are going out with their dates in the first place—somehow they find something interesting and attractive about this person.

But it's like a battleground out there, because in a date the two of you are enemies testing each other's wit. Just like in a real war, until one conquers another, there will be no unity. One good point in Sun Tsu's The Art of War is that it stated that in every battle one has to know thy enemy. And when you are aware of your enemy's strengths and weaknesses, you can use specific weapons in your arsenal to defeat him or her.

While it is true that actions speak louder than words, it doesn't necessarily mean being aggressive. Gentle actions or gestures wouldn't hurt. But do not try to test the limit of your date because more often than not, you'll be sorry. It is still best to sway your date with your sincerity coupled with some sense of humor. Don't talk too much, though. Whether you're talking about your career or just murmuring sweet nothings, the person in front of you might find you boring. If your date is constantly looking at the clock or simply tapping the table with his or her fingers then you need to worry.

It is good not to ask when you will go out again right after a date. This is especially important if you are a girl because it may give a false impression to the guy. On the other hand, the girl may feel pressured the moment you pop up that question. So if you were a guy, it's safe to ask politely if you can see each other again. The difference between the two questions lies in its certainty—the former seeks for a specific date while the latter only hopes for another possible meeting. If the answer is a 'yes' or 'sure', then most likely you're in for another night out. A 'maybe' is a safe answer. To the guy, it would mean that there is a chance that the two of you will meet again, however slim it may be. For the girls, it means having ample time to think things over while not giving away your true feelings.